A Bird with One Wing

When the wedding was over, Zarghuna climbed aboard bus, leaving evening's cool breeze for pungent, stuffy air of women's section. All in all, there were about forty them-men, women, and children-returning home from celebrations a neighbouring village. The women sat at front, swathed burqas hiding finery underneath, their faces made up carefully hoarded foundation, bright red lipstick, eyes rimmed with kajal. Earrings necklaces clinked as they laughed talked gossiped, while children lay bundled around them, tired sleepy dark. Further back, husbands together men's section, rubbing stomachs full six rice dishes served feast.It had been Zarghuna's cousin's daughter's wedding; other teased her cousin, asking if she ready to become grandmother. She only thirty-five.“May you be grandmother seven grandsons,” called out raucously making laugh bride cover face embarrassment, clearly smiling through hennaed fingers. Everyone knew needed sons inheritance, land, feuding. That is say, war. Each house its own graveyard, front which bodies recent casualties buried, each grave marked by small, modest stone. more stones, honour family.As reached top steps, wondered husband seat better bet case crash. Her conveyed this question bus driver, who said crash would very inconvenient his schedule, both men chewed on end burqa, embarrassed. driver father's son, boy she'd known since small. He exchanged few pleasantries husband, little friendly greeting – May not get response never know poverty falling easily lips, smiles enquiries aged parents young children. It improper address another man's wife directly even standing you, so cousin did speak her, showing respect he deserved. But gestured silently behind him pair seats condition than rest.As down, moved entrusting silent care. man already pushed rear-view mirror ceiling that glance fall any woman's face. woman next Shugla, smiled offered piece mithai feast.“Sit window,” Shugla said. “I carsick.” got window seat; accepted sweet, popping coconut barfi into mouth chewing it slowly lasted long time.It two-hour drive village hamlet, small enclave North Waziristan far Shewa. There some discussion route take: whether old, winding, single-lane mountain road or Shewa-Miranshah paved them faster. treacherous, scene many accidents, but checkpoints, nobody wanted shepherd off glared Pakistani soldiers. decision made: take back road. They same now, return journey, three morning, hopefully before dawn.As girl, dreamed being married soldier. sisters used watch distance, spinning army trucks, tall authoritative uniforms. no marriage army. occupiers, could ever relative, best kinsman.At fourteen, promised when ten. She'd fate most realities life: expected bear, hard scrabble living mountain, taking care goats, cooking cleaning, serving in-laws. most; he'd finished high school, didn't hit though whispered care.And life spots, like parties attended several times year. This first time traveled outside giving birth son. special occasion, truce declared between two warring sides family, sworn allegiance different warlord fighting going here across invisible line Army border. presence womenfolk parley, promise trust, toppled tree, root again grow direction. still worn rifles kept guns pockets, bullets stored separately, gesture goodwill. all gone well, carried palanquin husband's home, everyone allowed themselves relax enjoy rest night.The chugged on, climbing steadily towards home. prayer rounded hairpin curve; steep bends feel nauseous. instructed look focus point away, window. yet dawn, sought white thread horizon indicated night. see village, spending evening mother, stayed after him.They past turn straight stretch now. Sahar Sthoray, morning star, glittering night sky.1 cheered spotted it, forgetting queasiness. recited herself, Which favours your Lord will deny? Then humming sound caught attention. have register military helicopter just wings giant bird. Just turned head search loud noise: dum dum. And then flash, entire shook everything brilliant signal world.At first, nothing. came back. public call office telephone bell ringing above head. chin side side; clamour stop.It wasn't dark more; weak light winter sun, an hour pressed painfully against eyelids. finally opened, saw seat, bar hers pressing waist, right scar c-section. remembered: wedding, winding heat, light, impact. opened scream summoned one cries.A drone, thought herself suddenly. word, sharp pointed, quivering significance, odd intrusion dullness brain. A again, gotten right. Why important had?Zarghuna checked arms legs there, fingers volition push away stomach. Something hurt inside belly, enough keep trying wobble feet. As soon upright, vertigo strength hammer, reeled, left right, bobbing down helplessly. Spinning ringing, spinning. held steady herself.Her touched hair, stickiness. kinsman, move prodded shoulder. Now hand forehead, skin warm. gone, where was, moving hand, removed blood, mingling floral designs painted palms. What children, sitting section? Had travelling world him?She looked make sense twisted metal, shards glass, charred slumped seats. Nothing moved; ticking metal cooling hiss acrid smoke curling nostrils. suffocate find way quickly.Zarghuna couldn't tell lying lopsided; roughly up. door welded shut heat explosion. cold wind knifing shattered windows; too much jagged blocking frames try hoist through. windows nothing squares, lined iron bars. decided backwards, bowels vague finding family alive. what do, safe go wait help they'd avoid.Clawing, stumbling, hands pulled body onto burst backs balance, plastic stuffing melted clumps. difficult floor debris way: bags fallen overhead rack, shawls, shoes, Quran. bodies, fragments them; whatever drone found target, released rockets.Zarghuna passed men, dead seats, thrown floor. Broken glass crunched under feet walked remains brother-in-law, cousins. Some intact, lolling others taken apart, butchered goats. empty too, meant clear gaping hole ceiling. That's rocket struck, blowing bus. living, Zarghuna, ghost amongst them.And image child infant emerged wriggling, struggling lump, elbows knees large lucky thq hospital Shewa birth; firstborn son perfect, wife, survive birth. midwife-an unheard luxury remote villages, whom laboured gave homes, sometimes dying process.The moment slit stomach, wrong time. told her. born, wanting healthy obviously able give him. remembered co-wife, limbs blown off. If beginning dead.Zarghuna's afflicted mild Down's Syndrome, diagnosis understood watched weeks birth, worried news second suicidal. misunderstood completely. terrified spend crawling floor, unable sit himself, talk, feed himself. instead sweet pliable, sharply intelligent, humorous loving. difficulty, loved same, perhaps more, place unreliable husband. bird wing; endearment bathed him, rocked sleep, nursed Fabi ayyi ala i rabbikuma tukazzibaan…2It forced step painful step, pushing along bus's blasted insides. how felt walked. do him.She breathing hard, sweating effort. sickening odour smoldering steel, chemicals, gasoline, electrical wiring assaulted senses. other, worse smells: flesh, burnt hair. seemed immediate danger fire; flames burned dead. Still, explosion come moment; drones often circle strike target. going. Onwards pressed, until brother over silly WhatsApp videos other's phones, prying eyes.She off; leaning forward forehead torn open. To side, include Cold whistled in, invigorating climb hole, free.But hesitated. Maybe should stay someone out. Surely safest thing do. might lurking around, waiting signs life, again-to finish job. Suddenly realised inevitable alive.For moment, considered huddling corner staying death too. relief such those moments powerful sedative. struggle over: striving back-breaking housework, scrimping saving, endless need cheerful else's sake. pointless charade, at-her disabled child-and superior about. For sure, continue whine imperfections frustrations everyday lives, secretly grateful fortune. stop cautionary tale.But sink heard distance-the true target: maybe militant lived. none belonged kin.She stood stock-still. voices gradually, wall sound, individual strands words.“Allah! God mercy!”“Another one! curse America!”“Is anyone alive?”Zarghuna fear put mouth. Fear birds brought death, houses, stopped playing outside. last strike. calculation mistake. now met God, wing.Soon growl cars coming check eventually wailing ambulances arriving Hospital. fuss survivor.Zarghuna herself: deny?She unsteady foot once been, balancing skeleton bombed-out glanced steadiness position: toes blue sandals, nails pink million years ago occasion. window, shoulders broken pane glass.The villagers road, milling began shout encouragement. “Subhanallah! survivor, praise God!”“Khoray, that's can it!”3“We'll revenge, Khoray, takes hundred years!”She vows purpose. coming. sort protest raised fists killer skies.The cheering onwards. Strong down. black burqa flapped emerged, butterfly emerging chrysalis. tried wrapped mouth, conscious honour. died, behaved proper Pashtun death.When touch icy ground, collapsed, trembling, side. Dust filled nostrils, coughed lungs seared burning trees fire tenders rescue workers policemen swarming closed waited notice job done, bring life.If listened carefully, shouting started blur muted trumpet-Jibrael's day Qiyamat. Tomorrow mourning start, revenge. Qiyamat off, return. eyelids son's face, smile, stretched out, swim dolphin epicanthic folds eyes.